The topic for this post came to me as I was sitting in a chase lounge in the courtyard of the hotel. It was approaching evening, and I was trying to read some, but I kept getting distracted. I would watch the people swimming in the pool. Watch the staff of the hotel run back and forth, completing various tasks. I even stared out at the dunes for a little while. Somewhere in the midst of all that, the gears kicked in a I thought about some of the most random things.
First off, I must note that as I was sitting in the chase I was wearing jeans, a long sleeve cotton shirt, and a scarf. Now, the outfit in and of itself is not the extraordinary part. It was the fact that though it was not the peek of the day with the heat, I am in the DESERT. This time of year we are lucky if it gets below 100. At this point in the day it might have been high nineties. Regardless, the weird fact---I was comfortable. I could have taken a nap or just kept sitting there for a while. I was actually comfortable and it was a bit strange to realize this.
The relaxing solitude that I was attempting to achieve did not last for long. A few people stopped on their way back from the pool to chat. This of course led to discussion on work, which for me are never fun. My work environment is not perfect, but I have no complaints. I am taking it one day at a time and just trying to work through the problems when and if they arise. However, that is not the case for some of the people here. They are in the toughest teaching job they have had and not handling it well. Now I am not saying I could do better given their situation, but I do think we could all adjust better than we are at times. I have already gotten of subject . . . the chat with friends was not unique in any way except that I came to realize I am no longer just a vocal optimist.
I have always been the type of person to say what people need to hear, or tell them the optimist view of the situation. I am a people pleaser, sometimes to a fault. I do not like it when other people are not happy. In the past, when I said these things there was always a nagging voice in the back of my mind that said---you know that is totally bullshit. When "confronted" with so much pessimism here, I would fight back with my optimistic phrases and pick-me-ups. Except now, I believe what I am saying. The voice in my head is gone and I really feel like things will work out. Of course my sarcasm and bitting tongue, at times, are still there. I have not lost that part of me, but I have a sense of peace. It is nice to look at the world half full and see the potential and possibility ahead. It has been a while since I could truly look at things in this way. I am gaining a lot of my confidence back, something that has been lacking for a while now. I really feel like I can lose the weight, and see the world, and really make an impact in these children's lives. I know I just listed a whole sleuth of cliches, but they work. They state simply exactly how I am feeling. Maybe when I have time to sit and edit my thoughts on this whole experience, my creative juices will be flowing, but for now I am just trying to take everything in and get whatever I can from this adventure. There is a strange "power" out here in the desert and I am going to soak up as much as I can.
First off, I must note that as I was sitting in the chase I was wearing jeans, a long sleeve cotton shirt, and a scarf. Now, the outfit in and of itself is not the extraordinary part. It was the fact that though it was not the peek of the day with the heat, I am in the DESERT. This time of year we are lucky if it gets below 100. At this point in the day it might have been high nineties. Regardless, the weird fact---I was comfortable. I could have taken a nap or just kept sitting there for a while. I was actually comfortable and it was a bit strange to realize this.
The relaxing solitude that I was attempting to achieve did not last for long. A few people stopped on their way back from the pool to chat. This of course led to discussion on work, which for me are never fun. My work environment is not perfect, but I have no complaints. I am taking it one day at a time and just trying to work through the problems when and if they arise. However, that is not the case for some of the people here. They are in the toughest teaching job they have had and not handling it well. Now I am not saying I could do better given their situation, but I do think we could all adjust better than we are at times. I have already gotten of subject . . . the chat with friends was not unique in any way except that I came to realize I am no longer just a vocal optimist.
I have always been the type of person to say what people need to hear, or tell them the optimist view of the situation. I am a people pleaser, sometimes to a fault. I do not like it when other people are not happy. In the past, when I said these things there was always a nagging voice in the back of my mind that said---you know that is totally bullshit. When "confronted" with so much pessimism here, I would fight back with my optimistic phrases and pick-me-ups. Except now, I believe what I am saying. The voice in my head is gone and I really feel like things will work out. Of course my sarcasm and bitting tongue, at times, are still there. I have not lost that part of me, but I have a sense of peace. It is nice to look at the world half full and see the potential and possibility ahead. It has been a while since I could truly look at things in this way. I am gaining a lot of my confidence back, something that has been lacking for a while now. I really feel like I can lose the weight, and see the world, and really make an impact in these children's lives. I know I just listed a whole sleuth of cliches, but they work. They state simply exactly how I am feeling. Maybe when I have time to sit and edit my thoughts on this whole experience, my creative juices will be flowing, but for now I am just trying to take everything in and get whatever I can from this adventure. There is a strange "power" out here in the desert and I am going to soak up as much as I can.
I really like this one, Ash. <3
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