A lot has been going through my mind this past week. Now, it could just be the extra dose of hormones fluctuating right now, but if I have learned anything since being here, it is to not write off something too quickly.
You see, there is still a lot about this culture I don't know or understand, but for the most part I am settled. I go to work each day, come home make dinner, hang out with friends. Then, my weekend is usually spilt between time in Abu Dhabi and Liwa. Nothing spectacular. Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with a ho-hum life, but now that life here has become routine, I find myself reverting to old habits, and they aren't the good ones.
I just have to wonder why we do that? Why is it that when something becomes routine, we fall back on the same old behaviors that made us unhappy in the first place? I know that a lot of it has to do with what makes us "comfortable", but that answer just doesn't seem to be enough for me right now. I want something better; something that will help keep me from going back to that dark place of self-hatred and depression. And to think a few days ago I was actually consider the idea that I might be able to ween off the psych meds. I guess I spoke too soon.
Maybe it is the summer itch, or the anxiety about what it is going to be like to go home. I think what is really bothering me the most is that there are so many possibility that I cannot know for sure which factor is strongest. I feel like I have woken up in another persons life and I cannot figure out what to do next. I guess I will just have to wade in the waters and hope that I can see where I step.
You see, there is still a lot about this culture I don't know or understand, but for the most part I am settled. I go to work each day, come home make dinner, hang out with friends. Then, my weekend is usually spilt between time in Abu Dhabi and Liwa. Nothing spectacular. Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with a ho-hum life, but now that life here has become routine, I find myself reverting to old habits, and they aren't the good ones.
I just have to wonder why we do that? Why is it that when something becomes routine, we fall back on the same old behaviors that made us unhappy in the first place? I know that a lot of it has to do with what makes us "comfortable", but that answer just doesn't seem to be enough for me right now. I want something better; something that will help keep me from going back to that dark place of self-hatred and depression. And to think a few days ago I was actually consider the idea that I might be able to ween off the psych meds. I guess I spoke too soon.
Maybe it is the summer itch, or the anxiety about what it is going to be like to go home. I think what is really bothering me the most is that there are so many possibility that I cannot know for sure which factor is strongest. I feel like I have woken up in another persons life and I cannot figure out what to do next. I guess I will just have to wade in the waters and hope that I can see where I step.
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